death

Death has never been a taboo topic in my family. And, I think that is because in a matter of 10 years 5 members of my extended family passed away. It could not be taboo- death was a part of growing up. I'll never forget the day my mother asked me who I would want to raise me, if her and my father both died. I was 12, and I could not believe she would ask me such a question. I was overcome with emotion, and I think it took me a week to get over the initial shock of the question. My mother repeatedly said death is natural, it is a part of life, and the only way we can come to terms with it is if we acknowledge that at some point we are only going to die. We can't live life avoiding death, it will always be the elevator in the room.

Of course, my mother was a nurse, working on a Cardiac Surgery floor for post op patients- often death was the elephant in the room of her dying patients. When she told me it would be my Aunt Susan, her sister, that would raise me, I finally grasped why she had asked me such a shocking question. It was not to scare me, but to prepare me. My mother has always tried to prepare me for life- things I should and should not expect.

Growing up I was always shocked and upset by the number of people laughing and smiling at my relatives funerals. I couldn't understand why people were happy. Now I understand that the best way to come to move on is to celebrate someone's life. My favorite funeral scene is in the movie Love Actually, when the wife requests her husband play "Bye Bye Baby" by the Bay City Rollers. Although ironic, and almost disturbing, it truly does represent the view my family has taken when dealing with death.

One aspect of death that has always baffled me is the death of a celebrity or public figure. When a well known person dies, people who have never met or spoken to that individual moarne their death, as if a loved one or immediate family member has died. People remember exactly where they were when they heard JFK or Princess Diana died. We celebrate national holidays after the deaths of Martin Luther King Jr. I believe people moarne what that person stood for, or what they fought for. With their death, I believe people feel that idea or belief they stood for will also die. And that is why I believe it is so imporant to celebrate the memories of someone's life, rather than dwell on their absence.

My experiences with my family in society have shaped how I feel and react to death. Although every person deals with death differently, I believe that the taboo aspect of death is completely unnecessary, and actually makes the grieving process worse.